Challenge 9 - The Drunken Duck

Cooking Caribbean tonight. Apparently they have ducks.

For a starter I choose Deep Fried Salt and Pepper Whitebait. I've never eaten anything with the head still on. Questions

plague me ... What do eyeballs taste like? If I eat the brain will I acquire my victim's knowledge?

Does the same principle apply to gonads?

For the main I've opted for Drunken Duck based purely on the name. A drunk duck would be something to see. I'd pay to see a drunk duck.

Send virile men-folk out to hunt duck at Woolworths. Men come home with frozen duck. I go into bedroom and have little tantrum. Failed to specify how drunk duck must be, and men bring home five bottles of red. Duck won't feel a thing.

Try to thaw duck out in sink full of water. Whitebait thaw considerably more quickly and I witness the true horror of my decision. Hundreds of shiny little eyes stare up at me. If possible they feel worse than they look.

Am undeterred by fact fish bear no resemblance to the picture. Blame poor Food Photography and embrace denial.

6.20pm and duck still rock hard. Thaw duck in oven? Just need to cook it longer, surely. Will cook whitebait and proceed from there.

Can see the headline now: Sober Cook Decapitates Thumb Whilst Making Drunken Duck! Yes, it's true. I've opened my thumb from pad through nail while taking the damn duck out of it's packet. Army Captain over for dinner applies field dressing and graciously agrees to take orders in the kitchen. Suddenly the kitchen becomes organised and proceedings run like a greased clock. Strange ...

Whitebait works out wonderfully. A little too much salt but tempered well with lime juice. Hurrah!

Duck wildly successful. Credit where credit is due - couldn't have done it without my team of Helpful Boys.