Challenge 7 - Food Photography, Part 2

Curse guests who bring gin to a dinner party! That's like bringing a bazooka to a gunfight. By 8 o'clock I was dancing around the kitchen singing 'Life is a Tanqueray old son' and cooking experimental chicken.

My cousin comes into the kitchen and looks at me. 'You're burnt,' she says.
'No I'm not. I'm brown.'
'Oh,' she says, and offers to fill my glass with plain tonic.

I'm told the chicken was a success, but I have little recollection of, well, anything really. I reverse engineer chicken carcass and find half an apple stuffed up its bum. Beyond that, its anyone's guess.

Which brings me to my next challenge: Food Photography Part II - Lee's Hangover Breakfast.

It's pretty much your basic scramble but with mushrooms, parsley, cherry tomatoes and wood-smoked peppers. Sounds good, huh? Well, you try getting arty with a steaming plate full of salvation when you're tired, hungover and ravenously hungry. It reminded me of the time I sticky-taped a piece of meat to my dog's head. Karma will always get you in the end ... bas***d!

Based on Food Photographer Michael Ray's 30 pages of pointers, I begin.

Step 1: Cook food. This I can do.

Step 2: Compose, ie, figure out where to put stuff. Pretty much on the toast, far as I can tell. Sure smells good, though.

Step 3: Tweak exposure. Tweak what? By God that smells good ...

Step 4: Increase backlight. Sticky tape foil to the wall and hope for the best. The photo turns out almost black. What the ...? Try again. Same result. Food glistens enticingly. Stomach feels like its trying to digest itself.

Step 5: Locate highlights. Arg! Grab plate and snarf eggs.

Step 6: Schedule time for Food Photography III.

***

Decide I need to be punished for eating this morning's challenge. Go to an Op Shop in search of inspiration.

Thar she blows! Denise Austin's 'Hips Thighs & Buttocks' beckons me like a skanky Siren with big 80s hair.

The video cover says I'll look great from behind if I do it daily with Denise. Mid-snigger I notice the fine print: This program is designed with physical fitness in mind. Not my mind, obviously.

Have beer (hair of dog, or in my case hair of Saint Bernard), dust off VCR and hit Play.

Shall tell all when the deed is done ...