Challenge 8 - Build a Bear

DAY 7 Cont ...

Last night I Did It With Denise. I was hungover. If this woman was any perkier her eyes would pop right out of her head. Her teeth glow unnaturally. The hair and make-up are unbelievable to anyone who didn't personally experience the 80s.

'Is that from the old days?' asks Miss Eight. Closely followed by, 'She's shaking her privates!'

I persevere with Denise for a while then the nausea rolls in. The hairy dog has come back to bite me. Somewhere between Denise shouting, 'Tighten your tush like a fist!' and 'C'mon squeeze those buttocks - take it!' I lose the will to live.

It's my mission, my purpose. I finish Doing It With Denise and crawl into bed to watch Top Gear. The Germans have built a supercar called the 'Gumpy'. I pull the covers over my head and go to sleep.


DAY 8


7am and I hit the Stairs of Doom. 30 reps - that's 690 steps!

I go home and Do Denise again. I owe it to her. Now my brain is working I listen to what she's saying: You can do it! 8 times and Just do the best you can! 6 times. I might have missed a couple because Master Three was trying to ride me like a pony. I suggest he find something more productive to do and he throws a tennis ball at me. It bounces off my back and another sails in.

C'mon Denise, you saucy minx! Hurt me!

Before I cry uncle it's over. Denise give me a little clap and I am complete.

***

My kids are going nuts for all the Christmas advertising. But what if ...? What if I buy no toys this Christmas. What if I buy no presents at all.

What if I make them?

Today's Challenge: Build a Bear

I buy what I think constitutes a bear, draw a bear shape on it and begin cutting. Occurs to me that I have left no room for a seam. Cut bear bigger by eye. Stitch felt together.

Something's missing ... no stuffing! I grab the flattest pillow in the house and its off to the knackers. Miss Eight suddenly declares it's her favourite pillow. News to me. All the other pillows are still fluffy. This pillow must die. It is its destiny.

Gut pillow like fish. Polyester fibres make their way into unusual places but I am focused. Stuffing a bear is satisfying - like stuffing a mushroom.

Gin friend from the other night arrives with beer. Damn and blast! Must ... finish ... beer. I mean bear. The end is in sight. Put on Ten Tenors rendition of Rawhide for added momentum. Get 'em up move 'em out something something RAWHIDE!

Stuff head. Try to sew on button nose. Un-stuff head. Nose successfully attached. Re-stuff head.

Feeling itchy. Arms, legs, back. Bet Dr Frankenstein didn't have this problem. Bodily fluids are far more user-friendly.

Fingers well-ventilated. Bear complete. Huzzah!!