It's Bedtime for Bonzo (aka, Master Three) but he hasn't finished his chess game with Daddy.
I don't know how to play chess. Don't know how to play many games at all, though I have been known to indulge in a bit of Baghdad Monopoly. Buildings have bullet holes and bomb damage and names like Akhmed's Camel Emporium. Not exactly politically correct, but a sense of humour is what sets us apart from the fishes (I was going to say 'apes', but then recalled being mooned by a baboon at the Adelaide zoo).
Point is, I'm at a loose end. Kids doing kid things, food's cooked and personal space is but a pintuck in time away.
'Make a Walking Crab', says Miss Eight. 'But there are three whole pages of instructions,' I say. 'So?' she says.
I clean toilet.
I sigh.
Miss Eight starts singing: 'I saw Mommy kissing Saaaaaanta Clause ...'
Saw Santa two days ago. He smelled like cheese and needed a good dentist. Open origami book to Walking Crab. Sweet Jesus! Could I be ready for Walking Crab? I haven't finished my training, Master!
'I saw Mommy kissing Saaaanta Clause ...'
Crab looks good.
'Mum, Malcolm says he loves me. He chews his clothes.'
Crab looks awesome. Crab instructions, however, look like a third year trig test.
Use Christmas paper because it is pretty. Also turns out to be non-compliant. Step 7: Squash fold. Who fold? Look it up in 'Folds'. It's not there. Use female intuition - I mean fist - and Bam! Squash fold!
Success short-lived. Open Pockets. Hold A, Pull B. Eye starting to twitch. I can do it ... I can do it ... Maybe origami knowledge is cumulative. Like trauma.
Something wrong. Crab looks like beer coaster. Unfold, refold.
I give you Walking Crab!
That doesn't walk.
In fit of pique I take stiff card bought from craft shop and begin to make a Lily. Card also non-compliant. Bully card into something that resembles the picture - but mostly it just resembles a Triffid.
Conclusion: Need to go back to simple stuff. Although those geometric boxes are kind of pretty ...
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